


the words i do not say

by SummerRed



Category: Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-22
Updated: 2010-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerRed/pseuds/SummerRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will's POV, from the time Peter is arrested to the time Alicia starts at Stern, Lockhart, & Gardner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the words i do not say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elapses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elapses/gifts).



> Thank you to my beta (and verb-tense wrangler), summerstorm.

Will is drinking coffee when Diane bursts in with the news that Peter Florrick has just been arrested. He has to hold the scalding brew in his mouth for a few seconds before he can force it down. Fortunately Diane doesn't notice; they are struggling with a big defense case and she is already strategizing how to turn this scandal to their client's advantage. Will manages to force a smile and just enough conversation to keep Diane from getting curious, but the moment she finally leaves his office, he goes straight for the bourbon.

He gulps down the first shot and then pours himself a generous second, torn between pity and a guilty sense of satisfaction.

\----------

Two days, a hundred half-dialed numbers, and three busy signals later, he finally gets her on the phone. "Hello?" she says, and his chest clenches at the tattered weariness in her voice.

"Hi Alicia. It's Will. Will Gardner."

"Will," she says, and he doesn't think it's his imagination -- desperately hopes it isn't his imagination -- that her voice sounds softer and warmer than it did when she first picked up. "I guess you heard the news."

"Hard not to," he says wryly. "How're you holding up?"

A long pause, then: "I'm hanging in there."

He doesn't believe a word of it, but he doesn't call her on the lie. They don't have that kind of relationship anymore. Instead he starts to say, "Let me know if I can do anything," but it comes out as a croak and he has to clear his throat before he can get it out. Alicia doesn't say anything in return and his hand squeezes the handset so hard he fears it might crack. "I mean it," he says, leaning forward in his chair even though she can't see him, willing her to believe him. "Anything."

"Okay," she finally says, but her voice is neutral in a way that he's never heard from her before and he can't decide what that means. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he says. He can't think of anything else to say, but he also can't bear the idea of hanging up first, so he sits there awkwardly, phone pressed to his ear.

In the end it's Alicia who clears her throat and says, "Thanks again, Will. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay," Will says, but he's talking to a dial tone.

\----------

At Peter's next press conference, Alicia is at his side.

The next morning, Will buys a new television.

\----------

Four months later a blonde, busty, but surprisingly elegant prostitute testifies that she'd had sex with Peter Florrick four times over the previous year. Neither side seems to want to address the question of payment head-on, but the prosecution heavily implies that cash was not the currency being used in the transactions, and the defense inexplicably chooses not to press the point. Will does not call Alicia again, but halfway through the case Diane casually borrows his bourbon for a client and a second bottle disappears the day after he brings it in. Will takes the hint and stops drinking at the office.

\----------

A month after the trial is over and Peter is incarcerated, Alicia calls Will. He's not in the office at the time, which is probably for the best. Just getting the message is enough to make his adrenaline spike and his heart pound. He barely manages a grimace to Clarissa, his secretary, before retreating into his office. Once there he tucks himself into the tiny corner near the bar, which is the only place that isn't immediately visible through the glass walls. Not for the first time, he curses the decorator who'd convinced the three of them that the elegance of the glass walls was more important than the resulting lack of privacy.

It takes him two hours and a hearty slug from the emergency bottle in the bottom of the filing cabinet to return Alicia's call. She picks up on the first ring. "Hello?" She sounds anxious and Will suddenly, desperately wants to hit something. Or someone; pity Peter is out of reach. "Hey, it's Will. I'm sorry I'm getting back to you so late; I was out of the office."

"That's okay," she says quickly. "Thank you for getting back to me."

An awkward silence ensues, one that Will isn't sure he should break. Alicia speaks first. "I hate to do this, Will, but I need to ask a favor."

"Anything," he says instantly, sitting up in his chair.

She lets out a little sound somewhere between amusement and pain. "Yes, well." She clears her throat. "I was wondering if you had any positions open at the moment."

For a moment he's frozen, scenarios running through his head. State's attorneys don't make that much, but Peter came from a wealthy family. Some of the money might've been spent on attorney fees but it couldn't have been that much; Golden would've taken the case more for the publicity than for the money. Which means that some of those prostitutes must've been paid in cash after all.

"Will?" Alicia asks, sounding uncertain. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry," Will says, forcibly shaking himself out of his thoughts. "Still here." He clears his throat. "About the job... we _are_ looking for a junior associate. I'll have to run it by Diane and Jonas, of course." If Jonas ever bothered to come to the office, he added to himself. "But I'm sure they'll agree. Plan on starting next week."

Alicia sighs and he can hear the relief in it. "Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for," he says, feeling his lips trying to curl up into a smile. "You'll be perfect for the job."

"Thank you anyway. See you on Monday."

"See you then." Will puts down the phone, grin still in place and his heart beating faster than is really comfortable. Monday. Less than a week and he'll see her again.

He gives himself twenty minutes to absorb the thought, letting his fantasies have free reign. Most of them are ridiculous, but some of them... Her husband did betray her, after all. Maybe there is a chance.

By the time he makes it to Diane's office he is mostly rational again, which is a good thing because Diane's first reaction is: "Absolutely not."

"But--"

Diane rolls her eyes at him. "We filled that position three days ago, remember? Besides, you were the one who recommended Cary in the first place."

"He hasn't officially started yet--"

"He starts tomorrow morning," Diane says flatly. "And he _will_ start tomorrow morning. He has experience and a flawless resume and he's hungry. He'll bring in billable hours."

"And Alicia Florrick won't? Think about it, Diane: tens of thousands of dollars worth of free publicity as long as Peter's appeal lasts. Maybe even more if he wins." She's softening, he can tell, so he adds, "She was top of her class at Georgetown."

"But has she ever worked as a lawyer?"

"Yes," he says instantly. "Two years Krosher, Abrahams, and Abbott." He'd actually turned down a job with them because of her; he and Alicia hadn't been on good terms at that point.

Will and Diane consider each other for a moment, Diane with a calculated expression on her face and Will openly pleading. "We could give them both a try," Will offers when Diane doesn't say anything. "Give them both a year and keep the best."

She stares at him a moment longer, undoubtedly just to make him sweat. "Six months," she says once she has deemed him to have suffered enough. "With a review at three months." Her face tightens. "I won't go easy on her, Will. If she can't hack it, then she's gone."

"That's all I'm asking for," he tells her, barely holding back a relieved smile. "She'll be great, I promise."

Diane just shakes her head and shoos him out of her office. He finds himself grinning as he goes back to his desk. He grins even more when he realizes he forgot to ask Alicia for her resume and will have to call her back first thing in the morning.

\----------

Monday morning, Will makes a point to _not_ meet Alicia when she first arrives. The office is already buzzing about the dueling junior associates and it's important that he not show any favoritism. Still, he worries when he doesn't see her during his four (completely casual and unplanned) strolls through the office area, and that worry only increases when she's still missing at the start of the staff meeting. He's just decided to call her the moment the meeting ends when she suddenly walks into the room, standing in the back and looking flustered.

It takes everything he has to keep his eyes off of her as he quickly wraps up his pep talk.

The moment the meeting is over he's out the nearest door, moving just slowly enough that no one could accuse him of running away. He's already halfway down the hall when he hears her calling his name, and he hesitates for a second before turning around, putting on his game face. He's stared down judges and murderers and crime lords. He can do this.

"Hey," he says, hoping his smile looks more natural than it feels. He starts walking again, giving himself an excuse to turn his face away. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce you around. Everything's moving really fast with this class action."

"I just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity," she says, catching up to him with a great smile on her face. God, she looks good. Her hair is different, making her look sleek and sexy. "It's a real life saver."

"No," he says, trying to sound casual and not at all like he's just realized that her perfume is the same she used to wear back when they were at Georgetown. "I'm glad you could come aboard." And, despite the fact that right now he'd like to dig a deep hole and bury himself in it, he's never meant anything more.

They exchange small talk for a few more minutes, Will keeping his eyes straight forward and talking nearly at random. The moment he sees Diane he passes Alicia off to her, feeling like a coward but completely confident that if this conversation goes on any longer he'll say something he'll regret. He allows himself one quick glance at Alicia before he turns away; she looks confused and overwhelmed and maybe a little hurt, and he promises himself that the moment he can get his own emotions in order, he'll talk to her again.

Then he goes to hide in the bathroom.

As he sits on the closed toilet seat and stares at the metal door of the stall, Will berates himself for being an idiot. And an ass. And also a dick. And an idiot, because that really can't be overstated.

"Okay," he whispers to himself, hearing the barely-there echo emphasizing his words. "Okay." That was bad. No question about it. But he'll get better. Do better next time. Be less of an idiot. And maybe, just maybe... He stops himself there; he's not quite ready to hope for that much, not with Alicia just a few rooms away.

Still, he thinks as he washes his hands for verisimilitude and steps back out into the bustling heart of Stern, Lockhart, and Gardner, this is his second chance. He fucked things up with Alicia fifteen years ago; he's not going to do that again.

This time he's going to get it right.


End file.
